As you know, with the cost of living rising, I’ve decided to slash my takeaway spending down to zero and opt for at-home fake takeaway foods instead. I’m calling it THE GREAT TAKEOUT FAKEOUT, and I’ve teamed up with Coles to bring you some of my favourite quick, easy, low prep meals using super affordable products exclusive to Coles, so you can fakeout your takeout and save your money too. Keep some of these takeout fakeout staples in your pantry and freezer, so when those pricey takeaway demons strike, you know what to do! 

Chicken schnitzel subs (vegan and non vegan)

Shopping list

Vegan alternative:

Slice your turkish rolls through the middle, slather with pickle’naise or aoli, layer on a handful of green goddess salad mix and dressing (omit for vegan option). Meanwhile, cook your schnitzels according to relevant packaging instructions. Once cooked, slice and layer onto your sub, squeeze on another layer of sauce, and devour.

Serves: 4

Effort level: minimal

Time taken: 3 mins prep, 10-15 mins cooking 

Pulled pork burgers and buffalo chicken loaded fries

Shopping list

Cook pork according to packet instructions. It says on the packaging it serves two, but I easily got3-4 burgers out of this portion! Meanwhile, cook fries in the oven or air fryer, and blend or smoosh together blue cheese, blob of mayonnaise and a blob of yoghurt or sour cream. Add a little water to loosen. Once cooked, sandwich the pulled pork between pillowy white rolls, drizzling peri peri mayonnaise over the top, chop up the chicken schnitzel and add it onto a mountain of fries, and finish with lashings of buffalo sauce and the blue cheese sauce you just blended. 

Serves: 4 

Effort level: minimal

Time taken: 6 mins prep, 30 mins to cook 

Pork bao buns and spring rolls

Shopping list

Cook spring rolls and pre-prepared pork according to instructions on the boxes. Serve out the sauces and accompaniments from the bao kit, and microwave the bao buns before serving. Set aside sweet chilli sauce for dipping the spring rolls. 

Serves: 2

Effort level: less than minimal

Time taken: 20 minutes cooking time

Top-your-own pizza and wedges with sour cream and sweet chilli

Shopping list

With this takeout fakeout, your frozen margherita pizza becomes your culinary canvas. It can linger at the back of your freezer minding its own business, until the urge to order a food in strikes. That’s it’s time to shine. Use the pizza as a base for your favourite toppings – I like blue cheese and red onion because I’m absolutely unhinged, but you do you. Add your toppings, cook the pizza according to box instructions, and cook the wedges at the same time. Serve with generous lashings of sour cream and sweet chilli sauce. Double dipping is highly encouraged. 

For an extra level of bouji, try Coles Finest pre-sauced pizza base

Serves: 2

Effort level: minimal

Time taken: 12-20 minutes in the oven

–

This article was created in partnership with Coles. Recipes are my own.

Products featured were current and available on 12/7/22 at Chadstone Shopping Centre Coles store in VIC. Product availability and pricing may vary state by state and store by store.